Misery fears love
by Selene Romanov
Summary: A Nathan & Brooke story, you may not like the ending.
1. Default Chapter

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Author's Note: Nathan and Haley ARE NOT DATING in this story.

Nathan wandered through the littered hallways of a beach house, music was pumping through the house and booze littered the floor, people littered the couches and any room available.

Coming across an empty room, he shut the door and collapsed on the bed. Having just had a fight with his parents, he needed to be alone.

Lying back on the bed in the darkness, he closed his eyes and looked out at the pale moonlight as it reflected off the water.

The door opened suddenly, a slender form slid through the door and made her way to the bed. Stumbling a bit drunkenly, she collapsed at his feet and started giggling.

"Who is it?" Nathan whispered irritably, just wanting to be alone.

He felt her body moving seductively up his body. A soft kiss landed on his lips, a flicker of heat flooded his body. Cradling her head in his hands, he ran his other hand down to her hip, feeling the gentle swell of her butt.

"You're sexy, what's your name?" he whispered against her lips.

"Brookie," her beery breath blew into his mouth.

Pushing her off him, Nathan turned on the lamp and saw Brooke sitting legs crossed in front of him on the bed. Her hair rumpled and her shirt half on and half off.

"God Nathan you are such a good kisser, please kiss Brookie." She giggled and touched his cheek.

Nathan looked deep into her eyes and something didn't click. "You're not really drunk?" he cocked his head to one side trying to understand why she would pretend to be drunk.

Stumbling off the bed, she walked over to the window and looked out on the water, people stumbled around drunkenly outside. From the third floor room window, Brooke felt slightly separated from the world.

Turning off the lamp, she straddled Nathan, pushing him down slowly. "Please Nathan just for once don't ask questions, just please," her eyes pleaded with him in the pale light.

Her hands worked at his shirt, slowly helping him out of it, she tossed it onto the floor. Her nails raked lightly over his chest. Nathan cradled her breasts lightly in his hands.

Brooke leaned back and undid her halter top, tossing it onto the floor to join Nathan's shirt. She leaned back arching into Nathan's touch.

Closing her eyes she embraced the feeling. Nathan's light pinch opened her eyes, "Don't pretend I'm some random guy, ok?"  
  
"Of course, I'm the type of girl to do that, I'm the slut of Tree Hill High." Tears flowed down her cheeks, ripping open his jeans, she rolled a condom onto his penis.

Guiding him inside of her, she slowly took him in inch by inch, until her barrier was breached. Looking down at him in that second, Brooke experienced a feeling that she'd never expected to feel. Love, or what she thought could be love.

"I am such a slut," Brooke rolled her hips, maximizing position for her pleasure. Her climax claimed her and she rode him raw until he shouted his pleasure hoarsely up to the heavens.

Getting off of him, Brooke tossed the condom into the garbage can in the bathroom, putting her clothes back on. "There now I can rightfully claim the title of slut, thanks Nate, once again you proved yourself useful."  
  
Pushing past him, the look of sheer compassion and sorrow on his face tore at her heart.

"I am alone and no one has ever wanted me, at least I won't die a virgin." A cold bleak look entered her eyes as she walked out the door and closed it quietly behind her.

Nathan was once again alone in the dark.


	2. Physically There, Emotionally Dead

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A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Here's an update. Plz R&R!!!

Brooke walked down the hall of the high school, pushing her way past Nathan and his band of jock friends. Nathan waited for her to stop and say something to him, nothing she walked past him as if he were invisible.

His mind flashed back to that night, the feeling of utter loneliness after the door had shut behind her. He'd sat in the dark, listening to the loud partying going on around him and wondered how he'd enjoyed it before. Been so blind to the reality of the world and lived in his own fantasy world.

The bell rang for third period. Nathan turned from his group of friends and walked to class. Seeing Brooke duck into a nearby bathroom, he followed her in.

The door shut behind him, she looked up, tears in her eyes, mascara running down her cheeks. "What'd you want?" she cried hoarsely.

"You."

Nathan walked over to her, looking her in the eyes, "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," Brooke avoided his eyes, looking down at the floor.

Nathan leaned down and kissed her tenderly on the lips.

"No." Brooke pushed him back. "Not like that." Aggressively, she ran her hands down his body, shrugging her top off in the process.

"Here?" Nathan echoed in disbelief.

"Yeah here," a glint of mischief shone in her eyes.

Gripping her hips in his hands, he lifted her onto the counter, he undid his pants. 

"I don't have a condom," he whispered against her soft hair.

"I don't care," Brooke pulled his hips between her legs, feeling him thrust inside of her. She bit the inside of her cheek to stop her cries of pleasure.

When they were done, Nathan leaned against her, breathing heavily. Reluctantly, he pulled out of her.

"Brooke pulled her skirt down and put her top on. Jumping off the counter, she reapplied a fresh coat of lipstick.

"See you at lunch," with a wink and a mock kiss on the cheek, she sauntered out of the bathroom.

Nathan stood there, pants around his knees. Shock etched on his face.

"There's some girls coming, might want to close up shop unless someone else wants a ride," blowing a kiss at him, she exited the bathroom.

Nathan hurriedly did his pants up and tried to go over what had just happened. _I just had sex with Brooke again, unprotected sex and she didn't care……………what the hell is going on?_


	3. Fly

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Thanks for the reviews. 

A/N: No, I won't be making her pregnant. 

Plz R&R.

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Nathan sat in his class, he was there physically, but mentally a million miles away. His mind kept going over what had happened in the bathroom.

"Nathan Scott?" the teacher called out.

"Here," Nathan said absentmindedly.

"Yes, we cleared that up at attendance, it's time for your oral presentation on the effects of tv violence on teens," the teacher said.

"Ok," Nathan walked up to the front of the room, mumbling his way through his cue cards, he stared blankly at the back of the room. When he was done, he stood there, waiting for questions so he could sit down.

Looking up at the teacher, he was surprised to see everyone just staring at him.

"I'm done," he swallowed nervously, shifting from foot to foot.

"Ok, sit down."

Nathan walked back to his seat, mindlessly unaware of the whispers and people looking at him. When the bell rang, the teacher called his name to stay behind.

When the door had closed, the teacher sat on his desk and looked up at Nathan. "Is something bothering you? You need to talk to someone about something bothering you?"

Nathan came out of his dazed state momentarily, "I'm fine, my parents are getting a divorce, so it's been a bit rough at home," he said truthfully.

"Well if you need to talk to someone, the school counselor is here," the teacher smiled at him and gestured for him to leave.

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Nathan walked into the cafeteria and saw his usual table of basketball guys, Tim was playing the role of the clown, _keep everyone laughing, get the attention, so you're not forgotten._

He glanced over at the table of cheerleaders, Peyton was there, a scowl on her face as she watched Theresa and the other girls gossiping. Brooke was absent.

Turning away, he swung his backpack over his shoulder and turned to go to his locker, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Brooke duck into an empty classroom.

Following her, he opened the door and closed it behind him.

Brooke sat a desk by the window watching a class practice on the field. 

"Brooke?" Nathan said quietly, walking up beside her. Dropping his bag on the floor, he looked down at her.

When she turned around, he was shocked to see tears in her eyes.   
"What's wrong?" he knelt down beside her.

"I don't want to talk about it, can you just hold me," she held out her arms.

Nathan sat on the countertop next to her back, his back to the window and pulled her into his arms. She sat on his lap like kids on Santa's lap, but there was nothing innocent about the feelings that she aroused in him.

Sniffling lightly, she leaned against him and absorbed his strength. Tendrils of light brown silky hair tickled his cheek, he closed his eyes and felt her.

His arms embraced her, settling at her waist, "What's wrong? Do you want to talk about it?" he asked her softly.

Shaking her head, she nestled against his chest, her hand idly playing with his linked fingers.

Leaning back, she looked up at him. A slender hand lifted, running through his hair, she closed her eyes and felt him. Soft spiky hair that had grazed her breasts when they'd had sex.

Opening her eyes, she leaned up and kissed him lightly on the corner of his mouth, butterfly kissing over to his earlobe, he shivered when she hit an erogenous zone.

Her other arm started fiddling with his belt, her intentions obvious. 

Pushing her hand away, "not again?"

"You're refusing me?" her tone laced with surprise and anger, eyes flashed hurt and disappointment up at him.

"No, I want to know why you're acting like this?" Nathan held her hands in his.

"Because I'm the slut of Tree Hill High," her mocking tones grated on his nerves.

"No you're not, you gave your virginity to me, I care for you Brooke, I want to know what's hurting you, why you're acting like this," sincerity flared in his gaze as he looked down at her.

Her heart pounded, hope budded, brutally she crushed it down. "I can't, I'm sorry, if you don't want me, I'll find someone else."

Jumping off his lap, she grabbed her bag and started towards the door.

Nathan ran after her and pulled her towards him before she could open the door, angrily he kissed her with all he felt and all that he didn't how to decipher what he felt. "No one will care for you like I do."

Fear entered her eyes briefly then she masked it, pushing past him she ran out the door.

Nathan stared after her, his heart hurting for her and himself as well. _I have to find out why she's hurting this way…….._

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More soon.


	4. Friends with Benefits

Thanks for the reviews. Hope you like it.

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Another party, drunken people littered the house, rowdy music vibrated through the walls. Swaying slightly from foot to foot, he pushed through a group of people to grab another beer. A music laugh stopped him, silky brown hair swung, burnished highlights mocked his eyes as she walked past him, draped around another guy.

What is Brooke doing with Brett Roberts, he's a senior and a major sleazebag. Nathan moved back from the table of beers and remembered back to what Brooke had said today about finding someone else if he wouldn't oblige her.

Smashing his fast against the wall, anger pumped through his veins, rage hazed his eyes. Following the couple, he watched them go into a room. Moving to go after the, Tim bumped into him. Completely wasted on his feet, he tried to tell Nathan a joke. Pushing past him, Nathan moved to grab the door, Tim stopped him.

"Don't you know who just went in there?" he whispered consiprationally, his eyes wide and amazed.

"Yeah, some guy who's going to take advantage of Brooke." Nathan pushed past Tim. Ripping open the door, he saw Brett with his fingers twisted in Brooke's bra clasp. The haze of scarlet rage threatened to swallow him whole as he watched another man touch what had been only his property before.

"Brooke, what are you doing?" his tone laced with heated anger broke the drunken lustful atmosphere in the room.

"Busy, get out," Brooke wouldn't look at him, her eyes were focused on Brett as he tangled with her bra strap, slowly pulling the bra down her breasts, so they were almost revealed.

"Stop." Nathan cried out, he felt himself move forward without thinking and push Brett away from Brooke.

"Brooke is mine, no one touches her," Nathan stated coldly, looking at Brett who sat on the floor, a bit angry at being pushed by a younger man. But he could recognize the anger in Nathan's eyes and so he backed off and left.

Grabbing his shirt, he shut the door behind in his exit and left the tortured pair to each other.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing," Brooke cursed him, grabbing her shirt, she looked up at him from her kneeling position on the bed.

"Saving you from yourself." Nathan stepped back and waited for Brooke to cover herself.

"How?" drawing a deep breath, she looked up at him. Pulling her shirt over her head, she got up and pushed past Nathan to get to the door.

Nathan grabbed her arm as she passed and pulled her into his arms.

"What are you-" her hoarse shriek was muffled by the intoxicating touch of his lips on hers.

"-doing?" she pushed him away.

"You said that you would find someone else if I wouldn't oblige you without wanting to find out why you're acting like this," Nathan told her.

"Yeah, so you're saying we can be fuck buddies," her tone emphasized the definition of what they would be doing physically with each other.

"If that what it takes for you not to screw any other guy," Nathan looked her straight in the eyes.

"How sacrificial of you?" Brooke mocked him. "What's in it for you?" her tone quavered slightly.

"Nothing, you need to know about, since you don't want to talk about anything, we'll just be friends with benefits," Nathan told her.

"Fine." A flash of hurt flickered through her eyes, before she masked under a falsity of indifference.

Propping a hand on her hip, "Where shall we screw first?" her cherry lips pursed as she pretended to ponder the thought.

"The beach?" Nathan suggested, a dark sadness twisting his heart reflected by the stony glitter in his eyes.

"Sure." Brooke smirked, grabbing his hand, she ran out of the room and down the stairs, Nathan hot on her heels.


	5. Make a Wish

Thanks for the reviews. Enjoy!!!

Grabbing a bottle of vodka on her way out the door, Brooke smirked at Nathan as she led him out the door and out to the waves that beckoned.

Kicking off her sandals, she threw out her arms and whirled in the light breeze that flirted with her silky mocha hair.

Nathan stood transfixed watching as the moonlight flickered over her features, showcasing her half shut eyes as she looked at him. The delicate curve of her lips as they smirked at him, like them screwing on the beach was an every night occurrence.

"Brooke, come on," tenderness flickered briefly in his eyes, dying when he saw the cold implacable mask cover her face.

Taking a swig of the vodka bottle, she danced in the waves as they teased her slender ankles.

Closing her eyes, she felt. The cold tickle of the water, the smoothness of the sand as she moved lightly, the light breeze that danced through her hair. Tipping her head back, she poured the vodka over herself, some went down her throat, most of it splashed over her dress.

Giggling stupidly, she gazed at Nathan through half slitted eyes, her movements slowed in rhythm as he moved closer.

Dropping the bottle into the sand, she reached for him.

His hand moved into her hair, tipping her head back for his kiss.

Sweet succulent beer crashed into her as she tasted him. A streak of light caught her attention out of her peripheral vision as she kissed Nathan. Pulling back, she saw a shooting star streak across the sky.

"Make a wish." Nathan pushed an errant lock of hair behind her ear as he looked up at the night sky.

Stars twinkled like shiny lights. Twirling quicker and faster, Brooke whirled around, loosing her balance, she lost her balance and waited for the impact of the ground.

It never came.

The soft scent of Nathan enveloped her as he pulled her into his arms.

"Brooke I?" was silenced by her finger to his lips.

A soft kiss ignited his passions for her. A hand lingered on her hip, lightly grazing her butt.

Her hand imprinted on his chest, lightly pinched his nipple, a groan of arousal was his response.

Her zipper was slowly lowered as he single handedly undid her bra.

Caught up in the moment, Nathan lowered her to the ground, grainy sand gluing itself to his butt as he sat with her in his lap.

More soon.


	6. Pale fingers of Dawn

Thanks guys, you rule!

Darkness blurred her vision, a hand flew to her stomach, not again, I can't stand the pain. A comforting hand tenderly stroked her arm, gritty sand ground itself into the soft crevasses of her skin.

Opening her eyes, she saw Nathan's dark luminous eyes looking down upon her. "Hey." His soft husky tone broke through her defences, it felt so good to have someone there with her.

"Hi." Smiling faintly, she traced the ridge of his brow. The tickle of the wind blew a lock of his errant hair through her fingers.

The moon still hung in the sky faintly, the pale dawn beckoned from the east. The waves crashed around them, a sense of rightness hammered itself into her brain.

Lowering her guard, she leaned forward to kiss him. A shriek broke the spell, Nathan sighed heavily and looked westwards to the fading darkness to see Tim stumbling along drunkenly.

"I better go get him and make sure he doesn't drown himself, see you later?" Nathan asked quietly.

"Sure." Brooke sat back, righting her wind blown hair. Her defensive walls back in place. Dismissing the light intimate touch on her arm, she passed him and walked back to the beach house.

"Brooke?" Nathan called out.

"What?" she yelled.

He just stood there, a mixture of sadness and confusion on his face.

Melancholy suffused her, waving her hand in a brief goodbye, she fled the beach to her car.

The wash of the sun over her skin, caused a cold rash of goose bumps as she fled the light to hide in the shadows.

More soon.


	7. Dying Inside

Enjoy!

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"I'm sorry Miss Davis, there's nothing we can do but wait for the test results, based on the preliminary results, i can't assure that the outlook is positive, but i may be wrong, i will phone you with the results by the end of the week." The doctor smiled soothingly at her.

Brooke sat there, devoid of any emotion.

"Thanks." She jumped off the examination table and made for the door to change into her clothes. A cold breeze suffused her body, chills ran up and down her spine.

Bracing herself against the door frame, she realized that she had to face reality, she could never...would never...she couldn't even think it. Tears rolled down her cheeks.

Ignoring her cellphone which was beeping erratically in her purse, voicemail probably. She needed to be alone.

Grabbing her bag, she pushed out of the doors of the hospital, overwhelming emotions pulled at her composure.

Smashing her hand on the dash of her car, she let go and screamed.

A cry of torment echoed from her soul.

A knock on her car window startled her. A concerned face of some stranger pressed up against the glass, he made motions for her to roll down her window.

Scared and needing to be alone, Brooke started her car and floored the pedal, pealing out of the hospital parking lot.

"I don't want to live, I can't live alone forever, I'll die." Brooke repeated to herself. Driving recklessly and aimlessly, she merged onto the highway, flooring the accelerator.

She went to move into the left lane, not seeing the SUV moving up next to her on the left. It honked at her, she swerved left and right. Her little VW beetle swung out of control.

Darkness crashed down upon her.  
-

More soon, plz RR!


	8. Here Without You

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Thanks for the reviews…..enjoy this installment.

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Here Without You

Nathan felt cold, pale hands clasped his sweater, chills raced up and down his spine. He struggled not to show that he was on the verge of emotional collapse.

He flashed back to an hour ago…..

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He had seen Brooke's VW beetle come tearing out of the hospital parking lot. He'd followed her out of concern and some other feeling he couldn't fathom describing right then.

Swerving between cars to keep up to her erratic speed, he followed her onto the highway, three cars behind her. To watch her almost run into an SUV and then swerve left then right and lose control of her little car.

It had rolled once and landed on the passenger side up in the air in the ditch. Nerves ripping at him, unaware of tears streaming down his face. He had driven his car over to the site where her car had crashed. Wrenching his door open, he'd called 911 and dropped his phone after giving the location of the accident and saying that it was life/death situation.

He'd vaguely remembered running to her car, the windshield was half broken, her lithe body was half twisted out of the car, glass covered her body, blood smeared on her face. Her arm twisted an odd angle.

Falling to his knees, he touched her gently, a voice in the back of his head telling him not to move her. Tears blurred his vision, he screamed for help. People clustered around him, some whispering and pointing.

An ambulance pulled up and he heard the clatter of feet, he was pushed back. A policeman pulled him aside and tried to take a statement.

Nathan stared at him, seeing his lips moving, not hearing a sound, just seeing Brooke's motionless body being moved out of the wreckage and placed on a stretcher and loaded into the ambulance.

He stood there and watched the ambulance peal away to the hospital.

"Sir," the policeman shook him roughly. "Did you know the victim?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, "she's my girlfriend."

"I need to go to the hospital," pushing past the police officer, he ran to his car. Unaware of his actions or people staring at him. He needed to get to the hospital and see how she was doing….if she was alive?

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More soon……plz review!


	9. Can't Live Without You

After a LONG HIATUS, here's a short tidbit to tide you over for a bit.

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Watching each breath she took, holding my own breath as she inhaled and exhaled each time. I was so focused on watching her breath, that I barely noticed Peyton or the others arriving. Brooke had kept her problems to herself so Peyton was naturally shocked to hear about the accident. When I asked her what could drive Brooke to act so irrationally, she merely shook her blond head and looked at me with a piercing gaze.

As if she was trying to read my thoughts. I turned my attention back to Brooke who was still unconscious and the doctor was examining her. He looked down at her chart and was shaking his head. I would've given anything to know what he was thinking, what was wrong with Brooke?

The hunger to know was eating at me, I almost couldn't bear it. I literally had to restrain myself from ripping the door off the hinges and going into that room to be with her.

I pulled myself back to reality and turned around to focus on Peyton and Lucas who were together and here for me. I asked Peyton if she'd gotten a hold of Brooke's parents. Peyton shook her head sadly and told me that Brooke's parents were somewhere on a cruise ship in the Adriatic and couldn't be bothered to come to a phone to see if their daughter was okay.

I felt my fingers curl into fists and felt Lucas pull me back from the wall as if he sensed that I was going to put a serious hole in the pale yellow paint. Thus calling attention to myself and possibly being kicked out.

The doctor finally came out of the room and pulled his glasses off the bridge of his nose. He looked tired as if one shouldn't have to bear such a burden. I had to know what was the burden? The knowledge that drove this stranger to such depths of tiredness.

Walking up to him, "My name is Nathan Scott, the girl in there is my girlfriend, could you please tell me what's wrong with her? I watched her try to kill herself when she was driving, I need to know, so I can be there with her."

The doctor looked up at the young man with the eyes impeding him to share his knowledge, that burdened his shoulders.

"She came into the hospital earlier today for the final results and was given the worst possible news. I fear that my handling of the situation drove her to this and I can't help blaming myself for what happened." The doctor explained to Nathan, his eyes beginning to fog over with the reality of what he'd told her and how she'd dealt with it.

"She won't tell me what's wrong and has been keeping me at a distance, I need to know, so that I can be with her." Nathan pleaded. "Please tell me."

The doctor looked down at his glasses and began to wipe them clean, as he opened his mouth to tell Nathan. A loud noise began to whir, "cardiac arrest in 401."

Nathan turned quickly, "Brooke…Nooooooooo." he cried out as he fell to his knees.

The doctor rushed away, thrusting his glasses back up the ridge of his nose, following the bevy of nurses with medical equipment.

Nathan felt the ground rush to meet him as he faded into black oblivion.


	10. Numb

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An ending that appeared when I started writing.

I can see it from here, her tombstone, it mocks me from the entrance of the graveyard. Such an old word, graveyard, cemetery is more modern. An angel holding out its arm in supplication, golden tears rolling down cherubic cheeks, entreating the heavens for a miracle.

She was so young and alone and I loved her. I know that now, I knew it in that moment when I felt that she might be taken from me. I don't know why and I can't seem to accept that she's gone. My heart seems to break into so many pieces, not a thousand or a hundred as cliché states.

I've stood at these gates everyday for a month since I lost her. There was a moment of hope, but it was shattered by the monotonous beep of the machines signalling her death.

She passed onto a better place, I tell myself. I wish this was a nightmare, but it's a reality and sadly I'm stuck living in it. I can't escape from this pain, it follows me like a demon demanding penance.

I've seen their faces as they watch me wallow in sadness and despair. Misery feared love and so it killed our chances of being together. 

The horrible news that she received was that she would never be able to have children. A standard appointment with her doctor turned up something weird, followed by a bunch of children and thus followed her horrendous reaction.

Another reason, I can't understand why she would try to take herself from a world that needs her. I need her, she was loved by me, but perhaps she didn't know it or couldn't see it. 

I'll never know, I will love her and miss her forever, but I can only mourn her in passing and hope to meet someone someday who will remove the shroud of utter misery from my heart.

If not, it was better to have loved and lost then not have loved at all.


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